airarts
03-31-2007, 08:38 PM
Some of you can probably identify with this from where ever you are from, but if not, it gives you an idea what to expect here.
This about says it all...
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is:
“FEE-nicks". There are other names to learn such as Ahwatukee
(Ah-wah-TOO-kee) but those will be included in the advanced course.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush
hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning. :steering: :spaceship:
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number.
Anything less is considered "Wussy".:auto003:
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
go second. However, East Valley , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.:mullet: :babybottle:
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.:av-650:
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.:violent:
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix . Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.:jump:
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners,
rattlesnakes, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.:beat_deadhorse:
9. The Maricopa Freeway, The Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the
same road. SR202 is the same road as Loop 202 and The Red Mountain
Freeway. SR51 is also known as Piestewa Parkway , but no one can
pronounce Piestewa so it is still called by its politically incorrect
former name, the Squaw Peak Parkway . Dunlap and Olive are the same
street. Jefferson becomes Washington , but they are not the same
street. Loop 101 is also known as the Pima Freeway except when it is
west of I-17. I-17 is also The Black Canyon Freeway and The Veterans
Memorial Highway. The Loop 303 does not loop anywhere. Lastly,
Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. , but Cactus Rd. does not become
Thunderbird Rd. because it deadends at a mountain.:confused:
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated." :Infrandom:
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you could be shot.:slingshot:
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your
hands.:devil2:
13. True Phoenicians ALWAYS seek to park in a shady spot, even before
the sun has risen, and no matter how far the parking space is from the
office/store/restaurant. This is why you will see cars widely
scattered around a parking lot instead of clustered in one place;
these people arrived early to park in covered spaces or under trees.:smiley_dog_car:
14. If the driver stopped in front of you at a red light suddenly
opens his passenger door, it is advisable to quickly avert your eyes
before he spits out his chewing tobacco.:fork:
This about says it all...
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name. It is:
“FEE-nicks". There are other names to learn such as Ahwatukee
(Ah-wah-TOO-kee) but those will be included in the advanced course.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush
hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning. :steering: :spaceship:
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop
101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number.
Anything less is considered "Wussy".:auto003:
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
go second. However, East Valley , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking
moms ALWAYS have the right of way.:mullet: :babybottle:
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.:av-650:
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.:violent:
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix . Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.:jump:
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs,
barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires,
squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners,
rattlesnakes, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.:beat_deadhorse:
9. The Maricopa Freeway, The Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the
same road. SR202 is the same road as Loop 202 and The Red Mountain
Freeway. SR51 is also known as Piestewa Parkway , but no one can
pronounce Piestewa so it is still called by its politically incorrect
former name, the Squaw Peak Parkway . Dunlap and Olive are the same
street. Jefferson becomes Washington , but they are not the same
street. Loop 101 is also known as the Pima Freeway except when it is
west of I-17. I-17 is also The Black Canyon Freeway and The Veterans
Memorial Highway. The Loop 303 does not loop anywhere. Lastly,
Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. , but Cactus Rd. does not become
Thunderbird Rd. because it deadends at a mountain.:confused:
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated." :Infrandom:
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
accordingly. If you return the flip, you could be shot.:slingshot:
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your
hands.:devil2:
13. True Phoenicians ALWAYS seek to park in a shady spot, even before
the sun has risen, and no matter how far the parking space is from the
office/store/restaurant. This is why you will see cars widely
scattered around a parking lot instead of clustered in one place;
these people arrived early to park in covered spaces or under trees.:smiley_dog_car:
14. If the driver stopped in front of you at a red light suddenly
opens his passenger door, it is advisable to quickly avert your eyes
before he spits out his chewing tobacco.:fork: