JOLLY JOKES,,HO HO HOOOOO

[XZOTIC INK]

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??




Santa! The other two don't exist!

[Sinontin]

heehee ,i like it

[XZOTIC INK]

NOWS THE TIME,,,FROM the famous words of WHIT,,,post em IF YOU GOT EM

JOLLY JOKES ANYONE??

[redanner]

I couldn't agree more with that statement!

[ABD]

Why is Santa always so jolly???


















Because he has the list of all the naughty girls.:D

[bigwater]

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum set, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay;
I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
________________________________________

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

________________________________________

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your over-indulgent folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
________________________________________

Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don 't live in a house; you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa

[XZOTIC INK]

dellie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of course you would know that one,,lol

BIG H20,,:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: some there are mean ones,,but yet so funny!!!!!!!!!:clapping:

[sharonsstudio]

Nat the answer is none there's no such thing in an honest Politition(mis spell)
No such thing asa nice Lawyer,, as for santa you know the answer..

[bigwater]

Shhh Sharon... don't spoil it for her.

[XZOTIC INK]

Nat the answer is none there's no such thing in an honest Politition(mis spell)
No such thing asa nice Lawyer,, as for santa you know the answer..

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::babybottle:WHAT,,WHAT,,, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING SHARON?????????

[sharonsstudio]

Nat if Santa picked it up. you would never know nobody ever sees him..:wink2:

[Jeroen - CDM]

Whehehehe, that where some baddass jokes bigwater!!!!! To bad they ain't in Dutch... (guess what i'm gonna ask the fat man whehehe)

[installer]

good stuff.........good stuff.....lol

[andyparle]

Whys Father Christmas's wife always pissed off?

Cause Father Christmas only comes once a year (and thats down a chimmney)

Woka Woka Woka!!!

(apologies!!!)

[XZOTIC INK]

omg!!!!! thats terrible!!:clapping:

[Padre]

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to bring you a helmet for that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

[XZOTIC INK]

WOOO,,THATS DIRTY MOUTHED kid,,smart kid tho..:clapping:

[jason prouty]

:laughing_rolling:

[minniemouse]

Whys Father Christmas's wife always pissed off?

Cause Father Christmas only comes once a year (and thats down a chimmney)

Woka Woka Woka!!!

(apologies!!!)

Maybe so - but he always fills my stocking!!

[minniemouse]

I got this on my phone - but it's so cheesy, (thought I ought to share)

IF ONE NIGHT A BIG FAT MAN JUMPS IN YOUR WINDOW GRABS YOU & PUTS YOU IN A SACK - DONT WORRY...... I TOLD SANTA I WANTED FRIENDS LIKE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS! X:hug::blowkiss:

[minniemouse]

Christmas Songs For The Mentally Disturbed


SCHIZOPHRENIA
Do you Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

DEMENTIA
I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

NARCISSISTIC
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

MANIC
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire
Hydrants and.....

PARANOID
Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell you
Why.

DEPRESSION
Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock,
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ........
....(better start again)

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it
all away).

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

[minniemouse]

Three phrases that sum up Christmas are:
Peace on Earth,
Goodwill to Men, and
Batteries not included.

[Whit]

Santa walks into a bar,,,
"Pull My Finger",,,
Bartender says,,,
"Get outta here,, ya 'ol Fart"
Ho,, Ho,, Ho !!!

[ABD]

Santa walks into a bar,,,
"Pull My Finger",,,
Bartender says,,,
"Get outta here,, ya 'ol Fart"
Ho,, Ho,, Ho !!!

:rockon::..........:rotflmao::rotflmao:

[Hekinsieden]

Maybe so - but he always fills my stocking!!

O.O! Oh.. so THAT'S why all the girls I know are tired Christmas morning..
This year I will be more understanding. x3!